An aussie poem

The Drovers Cook

by Thomas John Quilty

Now the drovers cook weighed 15 stone and he had one bloodshot eye,
He had no laces in his boots and no buttons on his fly.
His pants hung loosely round his hips, hitched by a piece of wire,
And they concertinaed round his boots, in a way that you'd admire.

Well he stuck the billy on the boil and then emptied out his pipe,
And with his greasy shirt sleeve, he gave his nose a wipe.
And with pipe in mouth he mixed a sod and a drip hung from his chin,
As he mixed the damper up, the drip kept dripping in.

I walked quietly over to him and I said "toss that mixture out,

And in future when you're working keep your pipe out of your mouth".
Ooh he stood erect and eyed me, with such a dirty look,

And he said in choice Australian, "Get another bloody cook".

A cook, I said, you call yourself, you greasy slob made lout,

Why you should be jailed for taking work, you cannot carry out.
He then uncorked come language, and I felt a thrill of fear,

As he swung his hairy paws about and said “Trot your frame out here"

In outback brawls there are no rules or limits to the weight,
So I had to squib or meet him, with my meek and 9 stone 8.
We both bounced into action, and fell into a clinch,

I put a headlock on him, but I couldn't make him flinch.

For hours we fought in deathly grips, swung upper cuts and crosses,

We staggered and floundered in distress like rogue and winded horses.
And then gaspingly he muttered, “why I've fought all through the north,

You're the gamest thing I've ever struck, give me your hand old sport".

Well I can't explain my feelings, with joy I nearly cried,

As we staggered to a shade close by, where he sank down and died.
Now you talk about that saltbush scrap why it was only clay,
Compared to that gruelling battle we fought that fateful day.

And now above his resting place where the grass has grown to seed,
On stone is carved his epitaph for travellers to read.
Here lies the son of Donald Gunn, none gamer ever stood,
And he died in dinkum battle, with Jimmy Underwood.